February 2012
20 posts
WINDOWS; POCKETS
I’m up early, just as I usually am. The waking dead. And everyone is still asleep under sheets or just hiding from Wednesday, more present as the sun peaks over buildings. My supervision was cancelled this morning, but I’m still alive and will likely be in the office long before I should be for no reason other than a small staffing with a case manager before my first appointment at...
DISPATCH; COMMON
I work another 12 hour day that peaks stressfully at both 10:00am and 3:30pm. Otherwise, I keep busy with paperwork and med referrals and making the binder for my proposed bereavement group. I hear even more rumors concerning the future of the company and, this time, they are more favorable if not too good to be true.
My brain is noncompliant most of the day, at least when I should be focusing...
NATURAL; UNFOUNDED
I’m having a shallow glass of rum and modifying the layout for my bereavement group I’m scheduled to be running at the conclusion of spring break. I thumb through a variety of activities for the kids until I’m bored with myself and The American Dollar just becomes background noise.
My Saturday is less of a wash than I expected it to be, but still disappointing nonetheless. ...
REGRESS; DAILY
After mulling over which electric shaver to get, I settle on this instead.
SHINE; MILEAGE
So I’m up and in my office around 7:00am finishing some notes from the day before and prepping for my 8:00am that eventually no shows. I get through my 10:00am client and work on some treatment plans. I still have an intake this afternoon, but in my head, I’m already at Chloe’s place for Valentine’s Day. Neither of us have money, but both of us are fine with staying in...
ACUTE; HELD
It was dark when I left for work this morning and it was dark when I left for home. The likelihood of a 50+ hour workweek is increasingly certain as I set my alarm for 5:00am again for tomorrow morning. Today felt like a terrible waste. Half of my clients cancelled and rescheduled for next week on what was supposed to be a full day that I was completely prepared for. And while appointments...
IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT CHANGE.
COMPLETE; MARK
Yesterday was a strange day. A full day. And Debbie came upstairs to my office to ask if I minded taking two extra intakes next week. I happily agree, mostly because I know they get nervous about asking therapists to do even more work. I don’t want her to feel bad. So my next week is booked entirely.
One of the PAs downstairs accidentally double books me on my last appointment for...
TANGENT; SPITE
My day is a wadded up piece of paper. Three of my seven clients, including an intake, cancel last minute. I write a crisis note and watch my schedule shrivel up. The addition of a second lamp, this time at my desk, has provided me with an excuse to decrease the overall lighting in my office. And I think that’s at least one positive to come from this.
But my eyes are starting to shake...
LIGHT; SUBLIMITY
I’m on time to work, but feeling rushed. After missing the day before, I’m backed up on notes, paperwork, OTRs, HAP forms, and pretty much everything else my name has been attached to the past week. I’m able to finish up by 10:30am and begin working ahead for some clients. I send some emails, do a reassessment, find some resources, and print some things.
After multiple cups...
VISIT; RELIEF
It felt good to hear Chloe say she wanted to stay at Pinson Place. The Montezuma house was our dream at one time. I remember when Chloe told me about a month ago that Montezuma was a possibility. My initial reaction was fear. I grew to welcome the idea of that house, but my heart is at Pinson. It’s my home. It’s our home.
I can rest my mind on the house I belong to.
DUPLICATE; TREMENDOUS
I finish the paperwork for my loan consolidation and ICR. I hope that everything is correct. Most of my day has been directed towards this task that I’ve been delaying for some time now. I called into work early this morning. It took over a week, but one of my client’s finally succeeded in getting me sick.
So I do this and that and don’t make my bed and text Chloe. I wish...
7 tags
5 tags
DEAFENING; CONTAGIOUS
After 1:00am, I’m still awake—listening to Far’s At Night We Live.
Earlier this evening I did my taxes and tried to find the motivation to read something. Anything, really. I suppose I didn’t have it in me. I sat down to write, too, but that wasn’t happening either. I ended up making a pot of coffee and watching msnbc.
Yesterday, I bought a new bottle of Sailor...
I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY CONCERNING THE PAPERWORK...
PLYMOUTH; LEAP
My day is decent and I’m able to finish the majority of my paperwork. After being done with my intake documentation for two clients, I feel at ease for the week. Of course, the next to days will still be full and I’ll be in the school tomorrow morning. I’m hoping that I’ll be less stressed to end my week. I’m not sure if I’m on call, though.
I’ll be...
January 2012
56 posts
6 tags
-Use your free time to serve people, not numb you mind with entertainment.
-Be virtuous
-Be courteous
-Stop “finding yourself” and embrace commitment and responsibility
-Don’t wear outdoorsy apparel, go camping
-Don’t spend big bucks to look like you shop at a thrift store, actually shop at one
-Don’t be ironic and sarcastic, be sincerely passionate
-Don’t just buy clothes and cell phones...
FIT; RITUAL
I’m the luckiest man in the world.
OFFERING; NOSTOLGIA
My interest in my experience of the early 90’s is only superseded by my need for a haircut. I’m less enthusiastic about a fresh workweek and far more interested in prolonging the mundanity of my Sunday night.
I would like to make a list of things I’d like to do in my lifetime and not give that list a cliche name. Said list may also be handwritten in detail without a title.
ENVY; REIMBURSE
I’m up, but behaving lazily. Chloe is spending the day with her dad for her birthday so I’ve lost nearly all of my motivation, save for an attempt at doing paperwork that ended abruptly with a dead laptop.
I read a handful of pages in Kafka’s Description of a Struggle and decide against coffee. My heart says yes, but my head says “don’t do it man.”
CRATE & BARREL
If I sell all of my guitars and Chloe sells her camera and iMac, we can afford a couch.
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4 tags
REVERIE; IDEALITY
I take a pill or two and the mashing of gears in my head slow to a dull, manageable roar. By the time I’m at work, I agree to take an intake and allow my schedule to fill up on a Friday that was originally more workable.
By 1:00pm, I’m imagining myself at home reading Kafka and drinking a cup of coffee, though a more realistic vision would be of finishing intake revisions, progress...
MY HEAD.
It’s fucking killing me.
DELIVERY; TUESDAY
Chloe is beautiful early in the morning. It’s half-past seven when she pulls into the drive. On the road to the office, I’m very happy and it seems to rub off on her. I kept busy in my office with this and that and whatnot and an intake with some paperwork. She picked me up before I knew it and spent some time with me at my place.
After dinner, I’m working on paperwork from...
7 tags
FLIMSY; OPTIONS
I’m driving to work for one block until my car decides to drop out of gear and, subsequently, making the decision that it won’t be taking me to work today. At a time when I’m eager to save money, my car is being a pretty big asshole.
But everyone has been helpful. And by everyone, I mean my dad and Chloe. It doesn’t come as much of a surprise that work is more...
5 tags
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RESERVATIONS; SAVOLIUM
Chloe is so pretty standing next to me and I feel disappointed in my appearance in inability to look any better for her. Almost to the point of embarrassment. We make two attempts at Japanese without reservations until we decide on Magdy’s on South 6th. I enjoy dinner very much, as well as the three cups of coffee I inhale. I’m not as energetic as to be expected, though I am overly...
3 tags
“The readiness is all. Let be.”
– Shakespeare, Hamlet
OFFER; BENIGN
The crowing of Real Time with Bill Maher continues out of my control in the living room. I can’t stand listening to any two people argue impatiently, let alone a group of people. I can’t seem to understand how others can see it as entertainment of gain anything useful over the bickering and pretentiousness. But the audience still breaks into applause repeatedly, feeding...
5 tags
“I am a sick man… I am a wicked man.”
– Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes From Underground
OBLIGATION; INSTINCT
I’m feeling more tired than usually this morning in my office. It’s Friday and one of the program managers is wearing windbreaker pants and I know this long before I see her, but only because the sound of her rustling legs echoes off the empty walls of the hallway.
I’m waiting for my first appointment of the day. Having neglected my report writing, I opt instead to find some...
PLANS; PROVIDER
I’m making multiple calls in my office and trying to multitask with my appointment book while scheduling with clients’ parents. I’m purposefully filling up my schedule for next week and in the back of my mind I know I’m going to freak out on Monday when I remember I’ve booked myself up.
I try to reach Chloe throughout the day and we’re able to talk...
613; RESTLESSNESS
I’m in my office with the door shut until the morning meeting lets out. Everyone seems happy to see me and everyone has questions and I’m okay with that for about ten minutes. My story goes from a paragraph length of how my recovery went to, “Yep, I’m feeling a lot better.”
I’m going through too many emails I’ve missed over the passed few weeks and...
FLAIR; DISPENSE
I fall asleep and miss dinner with my fiance’s family. I answer the phone with my eyes closed and her voice sounds warm, but disappointed, still. I race to clear my eyes and find my keys and I’m driving with the blur of headlights in my sight. At her door, she looks pretty. I hug her tightly and pair my embrace with an apology that clearly falls short.
Her father and aunt make me...
7 tags
DRIVE; SUSPENSE
It’s half-past ten and I’m on the couch with some crime show or another acting as background noise and your periodic dramatic staccato signalling when to get excited. I’m considering what I want to lull me asleep and whether or not I’m okay with growing so tired it takes an enormous amount of effort to drag my feet to my bedroom.
I’m thinking a lot about the...
BLEAK; IMPERTINENT
I’m bothered that the weakness in my left eye hasn’t been alleviated by the time I wake up. It’s eight and everyone is at work while I sit at home. Out of things to do, out of ideas, out of my mind. I do what I can to entertain myself, which essentially means calling Chloe over and over until she wakes up to talk to me. And that’s where I’m at right now.
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